Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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