I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Randomize
