OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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