i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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