On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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