where does the pee come out of this thing
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize