and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
