i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I puked a lego.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
