This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize