come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize