I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
