I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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