sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
