i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your cock deserves a montage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
