Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
