I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
