im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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