you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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