census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
