dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
