For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So many bounce houses so little time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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