We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize