Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
