He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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