i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
