i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
