some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
