I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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