I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
