Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
