So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
