If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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