i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
