Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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