***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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