I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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