it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
