yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
