Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
