I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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