I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
