At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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