the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
