all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
