totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
