Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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