yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Actions speak louder than pants.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
