Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
