Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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