i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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