Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
