On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
