i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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