We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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