Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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