thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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