as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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