so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
