u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
