he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
