I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
