Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
