hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
