why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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