Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
