I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's never too late to be topless.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
