Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
