I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
