just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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