I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
