i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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