i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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