I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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