i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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