i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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