Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize