dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
